TEACHABLE MOMENTS: A PARENTS ALLY IN NURTURING A CHILD’S CURIOSITY

Teachable Moment: Myths and Making Out

My 8 year old son burst into the house after a skate party one evening. He was up in arms about his friend who kept ignoring him at the skate rink. “All he did was play with the girls. I just wanted to race him and he kept ignoring me and just continued making out with a girl!” My husband and I locked eyes and snickered while my son continued on and on about this big make out session. Before reacting, I decided to clarify and asked my son “what did the making out look like?” His response, “I don’t know it was soooo weird. I don’t understand it. It was like he wasn’t himself. He kept saying silly things and doing silly things.” My husband immediately asked if there were parents watching. “There were parents there, but they didn’t pay attention.” As we continued to dissect the “making out” session we realized that what he was describing was flirting. His buddy was teasing and playing with another girl because he has a crush on her. My oldest daughter pipes in with all of her 11 years of infinite wisdom and says, “Making out and flirting are two very different things! You better be careful not to start a rumor!” We took a few minutes to talk about flirting in terms he would understand. We shared with him that sometimes people find another person pretty, handsome, or fun to be with so we often start to act a little funny, do things to be closer to them, or get that person’s attention. If we see our friends chasing after other girls and boys and teasing other girls; this might mean that they like this person in a romantic way. Being jealous or getting upset with our friends when they pay more attention to someone else is really hard, but this is natural. When this happens try to understand what your friend might be feeling, and encourage your friend to show their feelings to this person with respect.

Lesson Learned: Our kids hear language that they don’t know, see things they don’t understand, and even say things not even knowing the meaning. Don’t ignore those moments and explain the concept to their development level. Take a breath and ask for more information. That way you can check your child’s comprehension level, and provide solid and accurate information in a manner he or she can understand. You may not want to tell your child making out involves kissing, hugging, rubbing, or touching, but allow them to understand the behavior in terms they can relate or find a new word to fit the meaning of the situation. This situation was simple in that making out was replaced with flirting. Flirting is a concept an 8 year old can understand because, let’s face it, we are all sexual beings and we see, hear, and feel things in response to our sexuality at every age.