TEACHABLE MOMENTS: A PARENTS ALLY IN NURTURING A CHILD’S CURIOSITY

Teachable Moment: Consensual Intimacy

I have always been affectionate toward others. I like a firm handshake, and a hug that envelopes around me like a warm blanket. When my husband and I started dating he always commented on how close I would sit to him and tuck my cold feet under his legs to keep them warm. We kiss openly in front of our kids and show lots of affection. When I became a mom I became obsessed with kissing my kids feet, bellies, hands, and lips. I couldn’t get enough! My son has grown especially affectionate and loves to be close to others. He is learning when and when not to share a kiss with just anyone. He even lingers a while when he kisses! He was probably about age 6 when he came in for a kiss wide mouth open and head cocked. I looked at him in amusement, almost laughing asking him “what kind of kiss is that?” he said, “I see dad open his mouth when he is kissing you, why can’t I?” The awkward pause sets in… a teachable moment in intimacy…right?! I shared that when two people really love each other sometimes they share really nice, long kisses. It’s a special way of showing them you love them. This kiss is usually with two adults, not an adult and a child. He quickly referenced the scene in the movie, The Sandlot when Squints kissed Wendy Peppercorn, the lifeguard, “long and good” and asked if it was ok for him to kiss girls his age like that. We talked about how Squints, the boy in the movie, tricked the lifeguard and kissed her when she was performing CPR on him, therefore making the kiss one sided.

Lesson(s) Learned: Our media is sexually charged, but our culture and society tend not to talk about it. Maybe letting my 6 year old watch The Sandlot was not a good judgment call except for the fact I was willing to address the conversation about kissing and intimacy.  Modeling healthy intimacy and also respect for the person you are engaging with is very important. Teachable moment…do not treat a kiss or the person you are kissing with disrespect. Whether your values are to save kissing for dating, engagement, or marriage is a value your family must establish. More so, kissing is mutual act between to people who care about each other. Always treat the person you love and that you want to kiss with respect, and seek their consent before engaging in any sexual act.