Vulnerability Turns Out to be the Key to Relationship Strength

We attended the 2014 National Association of Social Workers (NASW) conference last week (July 23-26) in Washington, DC. As with most conferences, along with workshops they offer key note presentations to help unite and inspire the group. The opening plenary session delivered on this goal with social worker rock star, Brene Brown.

Sharing, "social work is not what I do; its who I am. Its how I see the world," Brene wowed NASW attendees, speaking on her halmark topics: vulnerability and shame. With Texas charm she weaved messages that we are all worthy of love but our fear of authenticity derails us. Other "Brene-isms" that resonated with the audience incluced:

"You can choose courage or you can choose comfort. You cannot have both"

• Debunking the myth that courageous people are not afraid. Opting to be comfortable takes you out of the arena into complacency. Courage is indeed scary.

• "Dont listen to the cheap seats"
• All too often we try to please everyone. We take in all the criticism from people who have never set foot in the arena. Everyone can have an opinion, but that doesnt mean that you have to follow it. That doesnt mean that you cant take in constructive feedback, but in today's world too many people chime in on someone's elses efforts without every joining them in the fight. Brene suggets taking a 1x1 piece of paper and writing the name of the select few people who you respect and can offer advice, suggestions, feedback that matters.

• "I want to be in the arena"
• Living your life to the fullest means living in the arena... but remember you WILL fail! You will get knocked down, you will make mistakes. The alternative is silently living invisibly on the side-lines of your life. Do not wake up one day and with regret wonder 'what if I had shown up to my life?'

• "Ther is no evidence that vulnerabilty is weakness"
• Brene's research shows that it is through risk taking and choosing to be known that we enrich and strengthen the quality of our lives. AND... its tough!

Her 2010 TED Talk (Click Here) has been viewed more than 16 million times. Her books, The Gifts of Imperfection, I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't), and Daring Greatly, are all bestsellers. Her Amazon Author Rank for self-help books is currently at #4. All this is a testament to the fact that people are hungry for her message: that it is okay to embrace your vulnerability and your imperfections, to allow yourself to have the uncomfortable feelings, and to be real.