Teachable Moment: Keep Calm it is just a VULVA!

Second installment of TPG's student intern, Michelle Asby's blog...enjoy!

Teachable Moment: Keep Calm it is just a VULVA!

We are an affectionate family. We hold hands, kiss, walk around the bathroom nude without hiding our bodies, and talk about body parts using their anatomically correct terms. I’ll never forget teaching our first born about her body as she pointed to her different parts. Head, eyes, shoulders, knees, toes...vulva. You would have thought my husband saw a ghost when I told my daughter she had a vulva and a vagina. “What on earth should I call it,” I asked. “I don’t know, but hearing my 2 year old say vulva or vagina is kinda weird.” he says. “What is weird is that you are a 30 something that still blushes at the word vulva, grow up!” I retorted back. Three kids later he is still ”weirded-out” at his kids’ talking in correct language about their genitalia. This idea of calling our genitals pet names to me is absurd. I learned this lesson in the 3^rd grade when one of my classmates came yelling across the playground that her “winkle” was bleeding. We had a male teacher and he kept asking what a “winkle” is looking to all of us kids for answers. Nobody knew what a “winkle” was and before you know it we were yelling out guesses as to what a winkle might be and none of us said vulva or private part! A female teacher finally understand and took the student to the bathroom. She returned to class later in a whole new outfit, unbeknownst to us she had gotten her menstrual period. Days later she told us blood was coming out onto her underwear. This was my first lesson in getting a period.

Lesson Learned: Prepare your kiddos for the inevitable. Be preventative as opposed to reactive as much as possible. Using the correct anatomical name and functions for body parts should start at infancy. Learning and understanding that the body changes and grows all the time is important for all kids to know. Many female children begin puberty between ages 8-12 years old. Talking to your children about their body changes and puberty is important in their healthy development.

Teaching youth media literacy and cyber smart skiills

With smart phones and chrome books replacing jump ropes and wagons, parents are often lost in the technology universe that their kids eagerly use as a playground. Its ever morphing toys: Facebook, Twitter, Snap chat, Whats Ap,... all these cyber toys often leave parents scratching their heads. Parents quickly realize that the lessons before them are more complex than teaching their kids 'how to cross the street'.

Adults are faced with teaching our youth to become media PIs, deconstructing the hidden messages from the overt stories. To top it off, we are also charged with helping our youth to cautiously use an everyday tool, the internet and the associated technology in all its forms with caution. How do you teach responsible use of such an innocuous and powerful object?

Kids need to learn how to become critical thinkers. We must remember that even mature and intelligent youth often developmentally lack the insight we have as adults. We must provide learning opportunities for them to learn to decode media messages. We must help them hone their abilities to not only use technology but the much needed skillset to responsibly navigate is vastness.  Until that time, we must wade them into the cyber pool.

Two smart parent tech tips include:

1. Learn the 'safety settings' for you child's technology. Set them with you own private security code. Graduate these to less restrictive settings as the child ages and shows more critical thinking skills.
2. Tech Turn In: Set a time that all technology must be turned into you each night. This prohibits late night unmonitored wandering into uncharted territories.

We reached out to Lisa Schulze,  a youth sex ed expert, for additional advice. She shared some valuable parent resources. Check out:
Common sense media, Edutopia, and PBS kids.

Parents often see their kids as their 'little babies', naïve and free from sexuality. However, our kids have many faces, just as we do. Their sexual curiosity, their flirtatious nature, their sexual voice is often exercised in privacy with their friends as they develop social skills and a sense of self. Parents often are not privy to this other side of their children. They are sometimes blinded by a misguided idea that youth are sexually innocent and they somehow believe it is their duty to protect their kids from sexuality.

A more holistic and sexually healthy version recognizes that our children are sexual beings from birth. Our job, rather than protecting children from their inherent sexuality, is to shepherd their evolving sexuality, guide their journey as safely as possible, increase their sexual literacy, and minimize their sexual shame. Its an awesome and sometimes terrifying responsibility... being a sexuality teacher. But every parent is by default a sex ed teacher. It may be one of the most important parenting job roles. It is a job made more important by the bombardment of our children by hidden media messages and the tempting calls of a technology landscape that is often a new frontier for most parents. The good news is that as adults we don't have to become experts in these arenas, we just need to stay a dozen or so steps ahead of our children.

TEACHABLE MOMENTS: A PARENTS ALLY IN NURTURING A CHILD’S CURIOSITY

TPG is excited to announce a new blog series from our student intern, Michelle Asby. She will will be sharing musings on her journey raising sexually literate children. Come along for the ride...

TEACHABLE MOMENTS: A PARENTS ALLY IN NURTURING A CHILD’S CURIOSITY

One of my biggest lesson as a parent is understanding my impact on the greater life of my children as
their first teacher, friend, love, and even adversary. What an incredible opportunity we have being their “first” everything. We get the privilege of teaching them all about the world and the complexities within.

The role we take on as parents is so far reaching it has no end! Knowing this, we must arm ourselves
for any and all questions especially those related to sex and sexuality. I am a mother of three amazing
creatures that all came into this world firing on all pistons! Their incredible curiosities make for some
hilarious discussions and teachable moments. Embrace these moments with dignity and grace, but most importantly honesty. Here are some of my favorite most teachable moments related to sexuality.

Teachable Moment: The Mating Game

During a trip to Florida in May 2011 there was an extremely high volume of flying bugs that swarmed us at the beach it wasn’t long before our daughter asked, “Mom, why are those bugs’ butts stuck together?” Sure enough each bug was coupled with its mate. The bugs were so thick and such a
nuisance we asked nearby beach goers what they were. We learned that they were called “love bugs”
and clearly it was mating season. At age 4 a simple response of “that is a probably a mommy and daddy bug that are mating” was enough to appease her. My eldest continued the conversation asking “what is mating?”. At this point my husband drifts off to his “manly” duties of carrying the coolers and setting up our chairs for our beach day; leaving me to answer to the curiosities of our children. I glare at him and after a quick cleansing breathe I explained that “mating is a natural process that animals do to make babies.” She was happy with the response and went about still following her curiosity catching the love bugs and inspecting this mating ritual up close and personal.

Lesson Learned: Keep calm and answer the question. I don’t claim to have handled this situation
perfectly, but I do know that running from it, like my husband, or bringing shame or discomfort to the
question was not in their best interest. I did my best to honor the question with an honest answer for
what I felt their development allowed for.

Sexual Health Gap in Medical Care Prompts Kansas City Sex Therapist, Dr. George Turner, to Advocate for Change

Dr. George Turner presented at the 60th Annual Council on Social Work Education (CSWE) planning meeting in Tampa, Fl. The presentation, Teaching Sexuality to Social Work Students: Sixty Years In a Contact Zone examined how sexuality studies have transformed social work and vice versa, providing narratives of the transculturation occurring in a sexuality/social work contact zone. The presentation demonstrated the value schools of social work realize when they commit to teaching and integrating sexual health issues in all aspects of their social work curricula.

"There is an absence of comprehensive sexual health and its a gap in patient care. Clients need better access to sexuality information and sexually literate health care professionals.  I think social work students are a perfect match to address this deficit in our health care system" shared, Dr. Turner.

Susan Stiritz, Sabitha Pillai-Friedman, George Turner

George collaborated with two colleagues, Susan Stiritz, MSW, MBA, PhD, The Brown School, Washington University in St. Louis, St. Louis, MO, and Sabitha Pillai-Friedman, PhD., Widener University, Chester, PA on this panel. They described classes they teach and programs they direct, providing illustrative objectives, curricula, syllabi, instructional materials, and results. They offered these programs as four very different models for providing sexuality education at the graduate level and compared their goals with those of each other and with those teaching the first sexuality courses in schools of social work.

Turner shared, “Social workers are arguably the best positioned helping profession to be sexual health experts in client care settings. Clients will often seek advice from physicians who surprisingly receive little training around sexual medicine. Social work programs need to actively re-access their role in social work education in regards to human sexuality. In practice, human sexuality is an innate aspect of every client population that social workers interact with and encompasses micro, meso and macro practice applications. Having sexually literate social work students, specifically ones who have had training in sexual ethics seems warranted.”

CSWE conferences help to promote and teach best practices in research and curriculum development through dynamic educational sessions, peer networking forums, and job-search opportunities. 

The Annual Program Meeting (APM) is the pre-eminent annual meeting for social work educators, students, deans, and directors worldwide. Each year, the APM brings together more than 2,500 individual members as well as more than 400 graduate and undergraduate programs of professional social work education.

The Council on Social Work Education (CSWE) is a nonprofit national association representing more than 2,500 individual members, as well as graduate and undergraduate programs of professional social work education. Founded in 1952, this partnership of educational and professional institutions, social welfare agencies, and private citizens is recognized by the Council for Higher Education Accreditation as the sole accrediting agency for social work education in this country.

Therapy is going to the dogs... and the horses, and a host other pet assisted helpers!

We know the benefit of our doggie ambassadors first hand. People are often drawn to animals and form a bond that can aid psychotherapy.

 NASW recently reported on the benefits.

Robin Williams: Brings Attention to Suicide & Depression Help

 With the recent news of Robin Williams, we thought it important to share some resources for those dealing with depression. When addiction and depression run together they increase the odds for suicide.

Depression can look different in different people. The severity of symptoms can vary and a person might not experience every sign.

You cant always tell when someone is depressed. For many their inner world is masked by a variety of coping skills: smiles, joking, distance, anger, drinking, and chaos. Unresolved pain can overwhelm a person. Many suffer in isolation. Sharing our truth can be healing.

Signs of depression can include:

• Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
• Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
• Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities
• Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down"
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
• Difficulty sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
• Appetite and/or weight changes
• Thoughts of death or suicide; suicide attempts
• Restlessness, irritability
• Persistent physical symptoms

 If you or someone is considering self harm, there is help. Dont be afraid to talk about it and don't hesitate to ask for help. A great resource to talk to someone at anytime is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Talking to someone can be the life raft that a person needs. Medications can also be a part of managing depression. Natural tools for helping with depression  can include: walking or increasing your physical activity, petting a loved dog or cat, calling a trusted friend, yoga, prayer, orgasm with a partner or alone.

'SEX DOC' Wins! Dr. George Turner Has Victory Over License Plate Battle with Missouri Appeals Court: Makes Case That Sexual Health is a Human Right.

Dr. Turner picks up his plates

August 08, 2014

Initial Application Feb 2013

Kansas City social worker, marriage therapist and sexuality expert, Dr. George Turner, recently won his 1.5 year battle with the State of Missouri over his license plate, SEX DOC. “This became about more than celebrating my PhD in sexual health with a personalized license plate”, shared Turner. “I found it repugnant that a small governmental group was imposing their sex negative views without any justification or guidelines. It was clear to me that they saw sexuality as something bad, embarrassing or dirty. As a sexual health advocate, this was not the community standard that I could endorse. This is about reclaiming the dialogue from one of sexual shame to sexual literacy. Simply put this is a social justice issue for me,” shared Turner.

A state appeals court said Turner, a certified sex therapist in Kansas City, is entitled to his personalized license plate as part of marketing his business as a psychotherapist. “Putting SEX DOC out there is a way to help people start a conversation. Too often others are trying to silence conversations on sexuality. My patients suffer from this shaming and I don’t think the state of Missouri has any place it perpetuating this kind of psychological harm. It is my intent to destigmatize problems related to sexual health,” shared Turner.
 

The Administrative Hearing Commission rejected Turner’s petition in February 2013, claiming that the word “sex” was “obscene and patently offensive”. After several failed attempts by phone and letter to receive justification from the Commission for this decision, Turner, argued his case in Jefferson City last January. Turner was shocked to learn that the Commission has no guidelines to make these decisions, but unilaterally rejects all applications with the word ‘sex’.

Turner stated, “Sex negativity can often be used to fuel oppression of groups. I work to eliminate the toxic messages and repressive policies that ban positive sexuality education and knowledge to the shadows. Silencing sexuality creates an environment ripe for sexism and sexual misuse. You need to look no further to find the impact of this than in our own community”. Turner cited examples like the KC juror, Laura Trickle, (2013) fined for breast feeding her child or how rape culture perpetuates victim blaming similar to the case of Maryville youth, Daisy Coleman (2013).  “Sexuality is a human right and access to comprehensive, medically accurate, age-appropriate, sexuality information is key to sexual health. My goal is to move our culture beyond the sexual dysfunction, disease, disaster model,” shared Turner.

Turner presented evidence that the word “sex” is not obscene, including the dictionary

Dr. George Turner

Administrative Hearing

Jefferson City, MO. Feb 2013

definition  according to Webster. When one of the two attorneys for the state asked, “how do you explain that to a five-year old?” Turner shared, “As a sexuality educator I saw this as a great opportunity to expand the conversation into real and practical applications, and I gently tried to highlight to the attorney that that would be a teachable moment, one where he as the parent can pass along his views and values on the topic.” Turner also noted, “I think this attorney, like many parents, was scared and not sure how he would approach a potentially uncomfortable topic with his child. So I shared the book series by Robie Harris with him afterwards. Books like, Its Perfectly Normal, are a phenomenal sex ed tool for families. In some ways it felt like another day at the office, providing sexually accurate information so that parents can raise sexually literate children. Most parents want what is best for their kids and most want better sex ed than they had. They just don’t have the comfort or skills. That’s where I often come into the picture, helping parents craft a message and lesson plan for their kids. It’s a great job!” stated Turner.

 

One of the attorney’s stated, “there’s a lot of questions out there, when you put the word ‘sex’ out there in public…That’s really the gist of it and why we denied it”. Addressing this concern, Turner responded, “The word sex is already out in public. I believe the attorney’s statements were based in fear and tipped his hand that he saw this as a personal duty to protect children, his children. It also echoed a common myth about sexuality education and that is it is one big conversation about reproduction at some ambiguous age when the youth is old enough. However, censoring my license plate because of your uncomfortableness with sexuality is akin to putting your head in the sand. I empathize with the attorney and share his concern for providing a safe community for children, but ignorance is not an effective strategy. A better approach would be many small conversations that are based in comprehensive, medically accurate, age appropriate sexuality education”.